what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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