didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
