the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
