The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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