:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
