The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
