the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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