i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
