she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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