the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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