I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The best revenge is premature balding
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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