Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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