Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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