If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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