North Korea, Best Korea!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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