M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
