Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this boner is exhausting
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
