I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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