i permit you to call me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
