found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
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I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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