his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
