If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Boobs are out for the taking
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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