i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
