theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
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