I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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