I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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