I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
