I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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