Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
