Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
