if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
