what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
