using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
