Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
