This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
