Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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