Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
