If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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