how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
