These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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