That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
