i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When are your genitals available?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
