Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
