I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
