Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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