I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
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She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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