I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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