I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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