Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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