The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
