I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize