I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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