Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
