Don't make out with my wife yet
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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