just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
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Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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