I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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