I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
