remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
