ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
