1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
