they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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