I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
