my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
