she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
