We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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