I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
